


Anyway

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:27:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25842073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Bucky has always feared that he wasn’t good enough for her, and when the full extent of his past is revealed that will that fear become a reality?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 37





	Anyway

A silence hung over the room. The gravity of what had just happened weighing down on everyone there. His gaze fell upon your face and his heart ached. You knew everything now. All those dark parts of him that he wanted to forget had been right there on that screen for you to see. The atrocities, the pain and destruction he had carried out. He was a monster. No amount of time could change that. They had turned him into a monster and now you knew. Turning abruptly, he made his way out of the room, desperate to get to the jet and just leave this place behind.

Sam made to go after his friend, but you placed a hand on his bicep, giving him a sad smile. “I’ve got it. Get the intel, get back to the jet.” He paused for a moment, clearly torn, before giving you a small nod, trusting you to bring his friend back.

You had been one of the first big decisions Bucky had made for himself, well, loving you, if that really had been a choice. Possibly loving you hadn’t been but acting on it… that was a decision he had made even though it was terrifying. That leap into the unknown that he had half-assed, which had led to the two of you becoming something a little more than friends but not quite a couple. He wasn’t brave enough to ask that of you and now you knew who he truly was… had been… there was no way you could love him.

This was not a new thought to his mind, there had been several points he had been convinced you couldn’t get past. Not because he thought you were a terrible person, far from it, but because he knew you deserved better. Even before you were whatever this was you were.

The first time he met you, you saw his scars and he had been so certain you would look at him with pity and disgust, possibly feel sorry for him. Instead, you had excitedly begun comparing battle scars, trading stories as you carefully ran your soft fingers over his skin. His arm had been stuck in a clamp and you were supposed to be ‘guarding’ him while Sam and Steve talked strategy, but you had been so warm, so genuinely accepting of him that he wasn’t sure what to make of you. He hadn’t been touched with such tenderness for longer than he could remember and the brief contact with you made him shiver, a warm tingle rolling through his body and he knew he would crave your touch from that moment on. 

The decision to go under in Wakanda had been a hard one, but he had felt it was right. Saying goodbye to Steve had been hard but seeing the tears in your eyes had been heart breaking. The two of you had got close while you were crammed into the back of that ridiculously small car, and part of the reason behind his decision to go under was you. He wanted to be better for you. True, there was a huge chance that you would find someone more worthy while he slept, and he would never have asked you to wait for him, but he hoped you might be there one day when he had been ‘fixed’. Because, until then, there was no way you could love him.

When he did wake up, you were a million miles away. He had spent every day thinking of you, aspiring to be the kind of man you deserved in your life. The kind of guy you might want to be around. Bucky wanted to put his past behind him, wanted to look to the future, taking things one day at a time. And then you were there…

He felt like he’d lost his voice, the noise of the world around him suddenly so loud and yet not drowning out the sound of his heart racing. You looked good. Better than good. His smile faltered a little as you flirted with Sam, of course you would have someone, and a pang of jealousy sparked within him before dissolving in the warmth of your embrace. It was a bitter-sweet reunion and you had barely found each other again before he had been lost to you once more. 

After the snap had been reversed, Bucky had made a conscious decision to tell you how he felt. He had tried. Fuck, he had tried, but words came out wrong and you had caught half his meaning and the pair of you had fallen into bed together. Not that you would be doing that now you knew. He shook his head, extending his left arm and punching the wall beside him in frustration. 

“Hey, as far as I know, that wall didn’t do anything to you.” Your voice made his heart constrict and he closed his eyes, trying to brace himself for the look he knew he would find in your eyes when he turned around. “That’s not you, you know.”

“It’s all true.” His shoulders slumped and he felt you approach, his skin already anticipating your touch. 

“Doesn’t mean that is the man standing in front of me right now.” Your voice was quiet, calming, and your hand tentatively rested on his right arm as he reluctantly turned to you. 

“I did all that. Who I am now doesn’t change what happened.”

“It doesn’t, you’re right.” His heart sank even further than he ever thought possible at your words, “What happened, all those things that they made you do, just because they happened that doesn’t make you less of the man you are today. Bucky, I know your past, even before that little history lesson back there, and you know mine. Knowing that, it doesn’t change how we feel about you, how I feel about you.” His stormy grey eyes held such sadness as your hand came up to tenderly cup his cheek.

“How you feel?” he asked nervously, a small glimmer of hope blooming deep within him.

“You think I share my bed with every super soldier who comes my way?” The teasing tone to your voice made the corners of his mouth quirk up a little. 

“So, you still want me to share your bed?”

“Yes, dumbass.” You laughed, the sound breaking the tension within his body as relief flooded in.

“I just- I didn’t know if you would still feel safe.” He shuffled his feet a little awkwardly as he mumbled his confession, only to feel you shove his shoulder.

“Oh.” The sound little more than a sigh as the realisation hit you, just how vulnerable he truly felt. “Buck, there is nowhere in the world I feel safer than with you and nothing is going to change that.”

“I just… I want…” he stumbled over his words as he rested his forehead to yours, his eyes twisted closed in the agony of trying to put all the things he wanted to say into a coherent language. “Love me.”

“I do love you.” You whispered against his lips, and he found he didn’t need words, that there were other ways he could communicate his feelings.

Slipping his hand into yours, the pair of you made your way back to the jet in a companionable silence. Bucky was lost in his own thoughts. He would definitely tell you that he loved you with actual words, but the nonverbal ways were the most articulate for now.


End file.
